I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize