I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
