found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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