@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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