My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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