I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
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