hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Text me some of your sweat
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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