How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
