NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
