Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
