I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
