I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
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