if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
