We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
