Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
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Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
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"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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