im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You have to summon your inner elephant
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
