I murdered the dance floor call the cops
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
