dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
