I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Use "feeling words"
Yay
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
