could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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