The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
