My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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