I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
