Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Randomize
