I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
We had sex on a dog bed..
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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