yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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