I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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