can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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