Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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