Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
