he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
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We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
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We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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