Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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