everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
