So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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