can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
