Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
