the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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