I accidentally had phone sex last night
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
