your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
