Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
