Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
