I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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