my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
