dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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