Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Randomize
