You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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