You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
