Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
