Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
