i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
