Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Randomize
