I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
