Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
