did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I think I just sharted jello shots
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