You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
