A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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